forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
