my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
