Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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