If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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