oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
