Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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