does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You can't just leave with hair like that
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
