the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
What a dumb baby whore.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
