i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
