so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
