Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I think people are normalizing furries
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
