I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I smell like Dick and happiness
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
