It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
