so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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