but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
