I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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