watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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