she pinky promised me she was 18
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
