3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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