I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
