I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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