i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
