When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
