our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
