did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
