You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
