i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
