no. you can't hotbox the world.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize