i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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