My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
