so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
