Please don't use social media to get back at me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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