Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
