Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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