No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize