Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
