What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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