Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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