I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
