I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
