my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
