I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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