I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
