dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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