We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
