remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think your dad took our porno
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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