hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
