I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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