I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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