and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
