Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
