I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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