I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
