East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
