This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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