Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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