if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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