Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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