It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
