I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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