I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
