he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
