I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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