Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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