new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
