seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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