no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
