Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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