I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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