oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
